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[personal profile] yurikamome19
Title: Little Darling

Author: [livejournal.com profile] yurikamome19

Pairing: YutoYama

Rating: pg-13

Genre: AU, BL, romance, a bit of implicit thing, disaster, major disaster

Summary: Nakajima Yuto was just a normal gay guy in a quest to look for someone who would like to have a relationship with him, an exclusive relationship, and share everything with him. But then he met Yamada Ryosuke, a guy who knew his way around the gay district in the city, didn’t like to talk about himself and appear and disappear as he liked. Now it wouldn’t be complicated if he could make himself to forget Ryosuke, but he couldn’t and he had to deal with the fact that Ryosuke might only want his attention, not a serious relationship and commitment that he offered.



Love was not part of Nakajima Yuto's plan when he met him, when he met Yamada Ryosuke in a gay club under the light of the silver disco ball hanging on top of their heads. He didn’t plan or expect that he would even touch him who was in the arms of another man while he was dancing with his own date on the dance floor. Yamada Ryosuke was not his type, he would not be able to have a relationship with someone like him, someone who was clearly playing around a lot. But one glance, it needed only one accidental glance when they both were with their own partners that he knew he wished to be the lucky guy who had his arms on his waist.

Only one glance… it was what Yamada Ryosuke needed to make him his prisoner.

It was not love, he told himself when they both didn’t go home with their dates and hooked up in the dark alley just in the back of the club. It couldn’t be love because he didn’t know him at all, didn’t know what was his favorite color, didn’t know what his hobby, didn’t know where he lived… he had no idea about who he was. Yet at the moment when he kissed his lips… it didn’t matter anymore because he wanted him and it was enough reason to bring him to his apartment.

He should not love this guy, that was what he told himself the morning when he saw Yamada Ryosuke getting dressed from his bed, even more beautiful in the natural light from the sun which peeked through the curtain in his bedroom. It was just one-night stand and he should leave it at that, his brain and instinct told him that the guy was as harmless as a poisonous rose, but his mouth didn’t listen and said, “so are you going to give me your number or should I ask you first?”

The smile on his face said a lot about his personality, and he bet that Yamada Ryosuke was never once being ruled by someone, because he made the rules and broke them just as easy. Yamada Ryosuke owned people, but he didn’t let anyone to own him. “I’ll call you”

“you don’t know my number”

“actually… I know” he took a card from the back pocket of his black tight jeans that shaped his legs and thighs perfectly, the same sexy limbs that he had seen bare and touched last night. “got your business card here”

Propping his body on his elbow, he asked him, “where did you get that?” he didn’t remember he gave him his business card. He was tipsy last night, but it wasn’t enough to forget about giving his card to a stranger. Beautiful stranger at it, but that would have not changed the case.

“it’s a secret” the devious smile on his lips was a warning that the guy was far from safe for his heart which had been looking for someone to get serious with. His brain told him to run as far away as possible from Yamada Ryosuke, yet again his body betrayed him and when he realized it he had planted a kiss on that smiling mouth.

The rest of his Sunday morning after Yamada Ryosuke left his apartment was dull. Suddenly the 1LDK apartment seemed bigger than before and he felt like it missed something, or maybe someone… but he just couldn’t let himself to think that he missed Yamada Ryosuke after only one random night with him, because he knew that it probably meant nothing for the guy and if he wished for more from that, from him, he was just going to get hurt.

Every particles in his body understood that he should not want more from Yamada Ryosuke who was clearly experienced in men and dating them, not like himself who spent his teenage life and early twenties denying that he was gay and just came out of the closet five months ago. He wanted to date someone properly while Yamada Ryosuke was obviously not interested in that. He completely understood the situation, he did. He had the whole week thinking about that night, figured out what he felt toward Yamada Ryosuke, convinced himself that the feelings was just a rush of having his first one-night stand where he was not the bottom, and told himself firmly that he should not think about him again.

Talking was easier than doing it, people said that a lot but he got that first hand when he heard Yamada Ryosuke’s voice over his phone, “same club at 9?” his voice was nostalgic like the sound of the first rain in June, he remembered it even after a week and he only knew him for a couple hours. It was alluring just like the way Ryosuke moaned his name in bed.

People in the club were looking at him when he worked his way through the dancing crowd still in his suit, looking for someone whom he had a date with. But instead of finding Yamada Ryosuke, the guy was the one who spotted him first since he was standing on the DJ booth on the stage with a guy who had the same height as him. He waved his hand a little when Ryosuke smiled at him, a bit awkward and lame just like the usual him, and suddenly he thought if Yamada Ryosuke liked him better when he was a bit drunk and confident like that night when he followed the beautiful stranger to the alley.

He was thinking about having a shot of vodka before he started the night with Yamada Ryosuke, but it was too late because Ryosuke was already in front of him before he could even reach the bar. “you look different” Ryosuke got that intriguing smile on him when he was scanning him from head to toe, taking in his salaryman looks before his eyes went back at his and locked his gaze with an unexplainable force.

“just got off from work”

“yeah, I can see that” Ryosuke unbuttoned his deep-blue suit jacket, yanking it from his shoulders and loosening his tie afterward, making him all hot and bothered since their eyes were staring at each other until Ryosuke finished his work after unbuttoned three buttons of his white shirt. “now, that’s better. Wanna dance?”

“sure” he replied, ditching his jacket and necktie on the bar stool and taking Yamada Ryosuke’s outstretched hand, letting him to lead the way to the dance floor.

The moment Yamada Ryosuke started to dance, everyone’s gaze was on him, following the way his hips moved and imagining what his skin felt like underneath his tight-fitted ripped jeans and loose brown shirt that revealed his creamy neck and shoulders. He realized that they were him a week ago, wishing that they could replace him and be the one Yamada Ryosuke was grinding his body onto, to be the one who cupped the guy’s silky cheeks and kissed him out of the blue.

He was playing with fire, he knew that. He and Ryosuke were not on the same page, didn’t want the same thing, and it would not end well because they would not find the middle ground. But what could he do when Ryosuke pulled him closer, thrusting his tongue in his mouth and making such a soft noise that sent tingles down his stomach. And then it happened again, the thing that he swore he would never do for the second time because he needed to be serious with someone, he wanted to have somebody who was exclusively his.

And it was certainly not Yamada Ryosuke.

The second night with Ryosuke led to the third one despite of his brain telling him that he was a bad news, that he was completely not a boyfriend material. The other part of him, his heart, wanted to believe that Yamada Ryosuke was not like what his brain and instinct had told him, that the pictures he sent him and the tagging on social media was not a call for an attention but it was because Ryosuke liked him just as much as what he felt toward him.

What they had was not a dating relationship since Yamada Ryosuke never said that he loved him or wanted a relationship with him while he was busy denying that he didn’t like him that way either. It was stupid on his part, because there was no way he could ignore the euphoria when he saw his smile even if it was just a picture that Ryosuke snapped randomly and sent to him when he said that he was in the meeting. There was no way he could say that he didn’t want Ryosuke to laugh more when he told him later after work that he was scolded by his boss because he kept checking his phone, two glasses of brandy on the table to accompany them.

Their meeting was always on Yamada Ryosuke’s terms. Ryosuke was the one who contacted him and he was meant to come every time he did that. It was like he was under his spell, he couldn’t refuse or deny him and always did what he asked him to, including not to ask about his life because he didn’t want to talk about it. The mysteries around him was not a deal breaker for him who was already Ryosuke’s prisoner, he let it go and didn’t bring it anymore.

“that guy sounded like a bad news” a man said to him in a deep calm manner only a mature adult could pull, making him to turn his gaze from the rock of ice that was floating on his glass of alcohol to meet the eyes of the man. He liked his eyes, they reminded him of why he was attracted to him months ago when he first came out and tried to go to a gay club, which ended up with his first one-night stand with the said man.

He was never the type who played a lot and the first thought he had when he woke up beside him was to ask if they could try dating. The man refused him though, but it was not because he didn’t like the idea of dating him. It was because he just came out of the closet and the man said that he should go out more and enjoy his new freedom before he made a commitment with someone, with him. But the man promised that he would always be there for him if he needed someone to talk to, and then if he was done with enjoying his new life and still wanted a relationship with him… he would welcome him with open arms.

“I know” he replied with a defeated voice. He always knew that he was only another role in whatever sick game Ryosuke was playing, yet he also always denied it. Hearing it from another person, from another point of view, waking him up from the self-induced dream he had cocooned himself in.

“but you love him”

“yes” he admitted. “but I know that this is only a game for him. He just likes stringing me along”

“you’re right. Maybe he only wants your attention and feels powerful to be able to control you. But isn’t it too fast to make a conclusion since you don’t know about him at all? Everyone has a story, Yuto, and it what makes them who they are and explains everything that they do. Don’t you think you have to know him first before you make a decision if he’s really a bad news like his behavior and action?”

The man’s words got him thinking up all night, of what he was supposed to do with Yamada Ryosuke who seemed like only wanted nothing but his attention all of this time. He was not new in a relationship between man and woman, but this was the first time he loved someone and had a vague relationship with a guy so he was terrified of every step he was about to take. However, he knew that he had to do something to figure out Yamada Ryosuke and to get a clear answer whether the guy wanted to be his boyfriend or not.

“okay” Yamada Ryosuke answered in a heartbeat when he said to him that they had to break up. The light answer cut his heart like a razor, burying his high hopes deep under the rubbles of his broken heart because it meant that he was nothing in Ryosuke’s heart. The guy easily agreed about breaking up with him…

It was difficult to get over him the days after, but he didn’t mourn the end of the relationship either because it was stupid to keep pining for someone who didn’t even care about him. He planned to just forget Yamada Ryosuke and move on when something weird happened, no one in the gay club wanted to talk with him and say something strange about him that was not even true. The voice in the back of his head gave him a pretty good idea of why this happened, but he shook it off and thought that it was just a coincidence. Maybe people in the club knew that he was with Ryosuke before and they didn’t want to get in between them so that was why they didn’t want to get near him, he told himself that.

But the same thing happened even when he was in other gay club that he never visited with Ryosuke before, and it happened again and again until he was sure that it was all Ryosuke’s doing, that it was Yamada Ryosuke trying to sabotage his way to get over him. There was no way he would let him do that, to bully him and prevent him to get closer to other guy, not after what he had gone through to come out of the closet and grab his freedom. So he went to that club they always went, the one where they met for the first time, to see him and ask him to stop doing that.

However, his iron will that he had slowly crumbled when he looked at Ryosuke across the dance floor, sitting in front of the bar while looking at him who was passing through the dancing crowd, his gaze was a dangerous open invitation to come closer and he couldn’t escape from it. Yamada Ryosuke was gorgeous like always, his face was misty with sweat and shimmering with something that looked like glitter, maybe his friend had a party and that was how he got some glitter on his face, he thought.

“you have to stop” his voice was too low and soft to be a scold, let alone an angry scream that he had planned to spill out when he met Ryosuke.

“to stop what?” Ryosuke sucked some air through his teeth, throwing his head back as he rubbed his nipple through the fabric of his maroon shirt.

“seducing me, playing with me” he turned him around and pressed him against the wall of the toilet’s cubicle that was full with random graffiti the party goers left. “sabotaging me, running around my head all the time…” he pulled his jeans down, kneading his springy ass with his palms before he slipped his finger into his ass crack and buried it in his hole “everything”

“ah!” Yamada Ryosuke’s shameless moan bounced on the thin walls and leaked outside the cubicle, making some guys outside to whistle and throw some words at them to ‘go get it’.

“just stop doing that to me” he pushed himself in, breaching Ryosuke’s tight hole and right to the deepest part of him in a split second while Ryosuke screamed and clawed his nails on the walls.

Yamada Ryosuke was only playing with him, he only wanted his attention and never wanted anything more from him than that. He told himself million times about it before he went to the club, yet there he was… pinning Ryosuke’s hands above his head on the wall with one hand as the other one was roaming all over his smaller body and making him moan even louder. He knew he shouldn’t do this on top of everything, but he couldn’t say no to Ryosuke’s magnetic pull.

But he had to stop. He had to stop whatever Yamada Ryosuke was doing to him, to his heart, to his mind… he had to make Ryosuke undo his spell and let him live his life. “stop sabotaging me and play with someone else. I have no time for your secrets, insane crave for attention and ridiculous childish revenge” he said that to Ryosuke before he left him in the toilet to the street, heading out to somewhere away from the club hoping that it would also make him not to feel the heat of Ryosuke’s body on his anymore.

The night went by fast for Nakajima Yuto who did only drinking in a random bar in the district, trying to drown the image of Yamada Ryosuke in his mind as well as to peel off the feeling of his smooth skin that his hands still remembered. His blurry sight located the clock on the wall of the bar, it was (if he was right and not too intoxicated to read the clock) 2:15 a.m, and it meant that he had been there for two hours since he left the gay night club in the same district.

He needed to go home and get some sleep and praying that he would not get a major hangover in the morning because nothing was worse than a hangover on Monday, he had the sane logic thought for the first time that night and forced himself to get to his wobbly feet. The wind was so cold although the summer was only couple weeks away and he shivered as he tried his best to remember which way to get to the bigger street so he could get a cab.

“Nakajima Yuto!”

There was a more-than-familiar voice screamed his full name in the quiet empty street, cutting through his heavily drunk brain and popping out the face of someone that he desperately tried to erase by getting drunk. Yamada Ryosuke… he still had a nerve to ruin his night, his life and his heart after what had happened, after he told him to stay the fuck away. No, he got enough of this. He would not fall to his trap again.

No.

No.fucking.way.

He let out a heavy grunt as he forced his legs to walk faster, didn’t bother to turn around to see him or stop just so he could play with him again. He felt like he was about to throw up his intestines, and he could feel the sickness was right up in his throat, yet he still told his body to move. He had to get away from him even if he had to crawl his way out of the district. His body gave up pretty fast though, thanks to the bad coordination between his brain command and his feet he tripped on his own foot and fell on his knees.

He heard Yamada Ryosuke called his name again and the steps behind him got nearer until he felt his small warm hands on his shoulder and arm, the smell of his perfume tugged on his heartstrings, reviving his memory of their time few hours before when he had him in his arms, flooding his heart with bittersweet feelings. What was it about him that made him to feel like this? What did he do to him so he felt so vulnerable and weak and useless? Why he couldn’t fight this gnawing longing to see him and…

“who the hell are you?”

He swore to God that he had never been sober that fast before, and he was so drunk that night. But he was (almost) completely sober when he turned his face to Yamada Ryosuke… and saw a guy dressing in drag, face was blotched with make-up and the most awful thing ever… there was a some kind of horns on his head.

Okay, he took it all back. He was not sober. He was definitely too drunk that he thought that the drag queen had Yamada Ryosuke’s eyes. There was no way in hell that –

“Yuto, are you okay?”

No

Way





Approximately an hour earlier.

Yamada Ryosuke sat on a bar stool inside a small bar in the district, pressing his forehead on the table, his arms fell down on his sides lifelessly as if someone had poisoned him and he was unconscious there. But he was not dead, he still could hear the ruckus of the conversation between the guests and the workers in the bar, their laughter and also deep macho voice forcing to make a feminine sound. He was clearly oozing out some dark don’t-get-near-me kind of aura, the opposite of the bar’s atmosphere and the excitement of the hosts? Hostess? Well, whatever men who accompanied other men should be called.

It felt like eternity that he spent his time listening to the sound of his own heart breaking, but it was still a quarter past 1 when he lifted up his face at someone patting his head softly. “is it about your prince again, baby?” a tall muscular man with heavy make-up and huge head decoration that resembled a beetle asked him in a fake woman voice.

He nodded weakly, “it’s over. He hates me. Of course he hates me, I did all the horrible things to him”

“have you said the truth to him yet? That you like him and everything about you? You promised papa and mama to do that this afternoon, right?” the man reminded him about his promise that he would tell Nakajima Yuto everything that he wanted to know, and that he would apologize for spreading lies about him.

But well, he didn’t say any of that to Yuto. He couldn’t say anything because he forgot any of the speech he had written in his head the moment Yuto touched him, and when everything was finished… when Yuto looked at him with hatred and disgust in his eyes… he just couldn’t say anything. Because… “no. He will just hate me more, so… “ because Yuto would just hate him more.

“oh, pretty baby. If he hates you because of who you are, then he doesn’t deserve you” the drag smiled, rubbing his cheek with his calloused thumb gently. “But you haven’t done everything you could to get him yet, you didn’t tell him about you, you didn’t let him to know the real you and you’ll regret it someday, wondering if you could have won his heart if you told him the truth. And I don’t want you to feel that regret. It’s not too late now, sweetie. Tell him”

“but how if he still hates me?” he got his heart broken by Nakajima Yuto three times. The first was that night when they first met, the second was when Yuto broke up with him and he was so sad he felt numb from head to toe, and the third was earlier in the club when Yuto left him. He didn’t know if his heart would be able to bear the pain of the fourth rejection from Yuto, he was completely beaten up right now.

Cupping his small face was Campy Bar’s mama’s big hands, “then he is not your prince, sweet baby. Come back here, come back home, and we will drink the pain away”

“and we’ll buy you that playboy bunny costume on the internet that you check everyday” the other drag who had an octopus-themed make-up said, and Ryosuke didn’t wonder about how the man could know that he checked that costume every single day. The man was an ex hacker and he hacked his computer and phone in daily basis upon request of his mama and papa since they were worried about him hanging out with bad crowds in Shinjuku.

“better yet, let’s bully that fake prince again. How about roofie him, strip him naked and leave him on the street?” other drag from other bar who always hanging out with them butted in, giving a prank idea that was not exactly compatible with Japanese culture. He was the one who poisoned his mind with revenge idea to Nakajima Yuto by tarnishing his name, and the foreign drag was also his partner-in-crime on spreading the lies to every night club and bar in the district.

“NO!” he refused right away. He didn’t want to do that to Yuto anymore, especially the part with rape drug and strip him naked and leave him stranded on the street that was full with gays. “I will still love him anyway even if he doesn’t want me. So don’t do that”

“oh, little kitty” the bar’s mama gasped proudly at his words, pulling him for a bear hug, a deadly bear hug because he was so big and muscular while he got a wrong gene and stopped growing since high school.

“Yamaneko~” the other drag queens came running to where he was sitting, and there they were doing a group hug in a gay bar while the customers watched them and secretly shed tears although they didn’t know what the hell was happening.

So after that, with a resolution of telling Yuto the truth, Yamada Ryosuke was tracking Nakajima Yuto down, which was not a difficult task because the gay district was his playground and he literally knew every single club/bar’s owner in there. He located a drunk Yuto right before he could go to the street and get a taxi, getting him water from the nearest vending machine and they were sitting in front of the machine, leaning their backs on it while he was telling Yuto the truth.

Nakajima Yuto’s mouth parted just slightly in utter shock, he shook his head and said, “wait, what? Rewind, please. And make it slower. I’m not sober enough yet to hear you talk that fast” and yeah, Yuto needed to hear it again because he only understood about ten percent of what Ryosuke had explained.

“okay” Yamada Ryosuke nodded, and for a moment Yuto thought that the horns thing he was wearing on his head would fall off. “So, I’m a worker in a drag bar in here, it’s called Campy Bar, and we met once months ago when you visited the bar I work in. You didn’t remember me though, I was like this” Ryosuke waved his hands at his appearances and heavy make-up on his face, “and you also had fun so much you got so drunk, so there’s that too” he added.

“but you know, I’ve liked you from that night. Well, I fell in love with you at the first sight” Ryosuke confessed. There was no point of lying about it right now. He had to come clean and be done with it. “I asked you out that night, when I walked you to the street and got you a cab because you were too drunk to walk by yourself. I asked you out and you said that you would not date a drag or someone who pretended as a girl”

Yuto was silent, just listening and processing what Ryosuke was saying while fighting off the nausea and a dwarf hitting the inside of his head. Ryosuke resumed after a glance at Yuto, “I fell in love and got broken hearted in one night, which I was trying to get through by max-ing my credit card because I was stress-shopping for costume while sobbing and eating rocky road ice cream” Ryosuke smiled bitterly, laughing and shaking his head at his own stupidity.

“when we met for the second time in that club… it was a coincidence, I swear” he convinced Yuto before the tall guy could accuse him for being a stalker or feel grossed at him more than this. “when we met and you talked to me… I couldn’t stop myself and let you to think that I was a normal gay guy, not a gay guy whose hobby is dressing himself up and working as a host in a drag bar. I just couldn’t let you know because then you would hate me and see me like you are now”

Ryosuke sighed heavily, feeling more than sure that he would get his heart broken again by Nakajima Yuto. But at least he would get a new costume out of this pain. “this is me. This is the secret that you wanted to know. I called you at random times and sometimes couldn’t come when you wanted to meet me was because my work schedule was a mess. It was not because I was in other club hooking up with somebody else like what you had in mind. I talked with men, yes, but it was my job. I’m sorry if you were disturbed of me being such an attention whore, I guess I only wanted you to only look at me, and I think that was also because I’ve worked as an entertainer and be around here for so long that my way to get your attention was… intense”

“and I’m sorry about sabotaging you too. I couldn’t bear the thought of you with someone else, that was why I told everyone in the district some things about you, very bad things. I’m sorry” he bowed his head, thankfully the horns didn’t whack Yuto’s head in the process. “but I am not sorry for being me. I like cross-dressing and I am not ashamed of my job. This is my life, and everyone here is my family”

“I will say it again, for the last time” Ryosuke looked at Yuto, ready to proclaim his love for the last time and brace himself for the impact of the rejection. “I love you, Nakajima Yuto. The person that you knew and had a relationship with, it was a half part of me. And the person who is with you now is the other half. I love you, all of you. But if you can’t love all of me… we are impossible to happen“ he said.

This was it. No matter how much he wanted Yuto, he knew that love was about accepting someone as a whole. And if Yuto couldn’t do that, if Yuto could only love one part of him, if Yuto could only love his body… then he shouldn’t be with Yuto. He should respect himself and love someone else who could embrace all parts of him, including his flaws and his deepest secrets.

“oh God” Nakajima Yuto groaned while palming his face, sounded so frustrated and conflicted. It did nothing but breaking Ryosuke’s heart.

“it’s that bad, huh? I’m sorry that I gross you out” Yamada Ryosuke lifted his leather-clad ass from the ground. Suddenly the wind felt so much colder on his skin that only had fishnet fabric hugging his torso tightly. The heartbreak was coming and it was time to go back home, seeking comfort from his mama and papa, and his family in the bar.

“wait” Yuto grabbed Ryosuke’s hand before he could stand up on his high heels, “I have one question, are you a boy or a girl?”

Ryosuke didn’t know if he had to laugh or mad at that question, “you saw me naked too many times and you still ask?”

“no, I mean… inside, in your heart, are you a boy or a girl? Do you want to be a girl?” it was an important question for Yuto, people. He lived his life way too long in the closet, dating girls he didn’t even like and doing things with them even though he hated every bit of it. He was gay, so it was important to know if Ryosuke was a girl inside before he did anything with him.

“oh, that. No, I don’t want to change my gender if that’s what you want to know” yep, that was what Yuto wanted to know. He didn’t want to have a relationship with a girl. “I am a boy, body and soul. This is just my work, and well… a hobby too” Ryosuke confessed.

Yuto looked at Ryosuke’s eyes, the only one that was pure – since the other parts of his face were hidden under a heavy make-up – and they were beautiful… so honest and sincere. “I really don’t know you at all” his words made those beads to waver with regret and sadness.

“I’m sorry for deceiving you” Ryosuke apologized again, but Yuto didn’t want to hear it anymore, because there was nothing to forgive anymore.

Yuto outstretched his hand and Ryosuke was about to get up from the ground to help Yuto up, since he thought Yuto wanted him to help him, to pull his body up. But Yuto stopped Ryosuke from standing up, taking Ryosuke’s hand and shaking it instead. “I don’t know you at all, so let’s start again. My name is Nakajima Yuto, an ordinary white-collar worker in a construction company, about to turn 25 in a few months. I’m gay, and looking for someone to have a relationship with”

Ryosuke was still processing what was happening and what was the meaning of this when Yuto passed a million watts smile at him and zapped his heart like a thunderbolt. “your turn”

“um, Yamada Ryosuke, living and working in this district for as long as he could remember, not the working part though, it started after I was legal which was just recently” Ryosuke introduced himself, thankfully without stuttering or biting his tongue.

“wait, so you lied about your age too?” and Yuto noticed one thing, his age, it wasn’t same as his like what Ryosuke had said to him in their second hook up.

“yeah. I wanted you to take me seriously, so I lied and said that we were the same age. But I’m actually turned 20 couple months ago” well, his 20th birthday was actually a week before Yuto came waltzing to the bar. And boy did he think that Yuto was his late birthday present.

“I really know nothing about you”

“I’ll tell you everything about me” Ryosuke’s heart was beating fast as his brain was busy making some scenarios about what was the meaning of this conversation with Yuto. He only agreed to a positive thing though, he wanted to believe that Yuto wanted to start anew with him.

“please do that without this costume” Yuto said, a promise that (at the very least) they would meet again to talk, and Yuto was not grossed out by him and still wanted to see his face. Without the make-up and drag costume, yeah, but still.

“okay” he nodded with a smile on his face and flowers bloomed in his heart.

“But I don’t mind if you want to do it while dressing up in other costume you have in your collection. The softcore one, please, the most normal one you have, along with the most normal make-up you can do. I want to get to know this part of you, but let’s start it from the most normal one, and we’ll take it up slowly from there”

Yamada Ryosuke could not believe that. He was just desperately hoping that Yuto wanted to know him before, but now he was sure that Yuto wanted to know all about him because he – “does that mean that you… “

“it means that I still want to date you, Ryosuke. Just like you said, you are still you. I just didn’t know this part of you and I want to get to know it. Show me this part of you, will you?”

Ryosuke nodded, feeling so happy he felt like he was about to cry. And he wanted to bury himself in Yuto’s arms but he couldn’t because he was wearing a big head decoration and the thing would just stab Yuto on the face if he did that. But as if Yuto could read his mind and know how much he wanted to touch him, the tall guy was leaning forward to kiss his lips. The kiss tasted like liquor for Ryosuke, while for Yuto it tasted like lipstick, reminding him of kissing a girl but he didn’t get sick because he knew that he was kissing Ryosuke.

That night, or early in the morning, when Ryosuke brought him to his house that was just few meters behind the bar he was working, he knew a lot more about Yamada Ryosuke. The younger guy introduced him to his ‘parents’ who were two gay men he called papa and mama. But they were not his true parents or relatives, they were people who took him in when he had nowhere else to go after his parents died in an accident and his own relatives didn’t want to take care of him.

Ryosuke said all of that like it was nothing while taking off his make-up, but from the way the men he called papa and mama looked at Ryosuke, with that protective but sad looks… he knew that it was not ‘nothing’, that Ryosuke had gone through a lot and it was not easy for him to say that to someone else. The parents were so kind albeit the way the papa glared at him here and then or how the mama called him by the nickname ‘prince’. It was the strangest night in his life, but also the happiest because he was with someone that he loved and he knew another part of his life.

“don’t do anything funny up there, boys” he heard the mama said from the downstairs before Ryosuke, who already erased his make-up with the help of his mama earlier, closed the door of his bedroom behind his back.

“sorry for that. My family is – “ Ryosuke’s sentence was cut off by Yuto’s sudden embrace and it only needed a second for Ryosuke to understand the meaning of that comforting hug. It was because of that dark part of his life that he had told Yuto earlier…

“Yamada Ryosuke, I don’t know anything about you, but I love you. Tell me everything, show me every cracks of your heart, help me understand you, and let me love all parts of you” Yuto said in Ryosuke’s ear.

Nakajima Yuto might not know Yamada Ryosuke at all, but he knew that Ryosuke was the one that pulled every single string in his heart and made him to feel many emotions and feelings. He knew that he fell in love with that guy who had the most beautiful and honest eyes. He knew that he wanted to always love and protect him. He knew that he wanted to be the reason of Ryosuke’s smile. He knew all of that and it was enough proof that he fell hard for the guy.

“I will. I promise” Ryosuke clutched to Yuto’s back, breathing in Yuto’s scent while thanking God for this amazing human being who was holding him tight. “after you get some sleep and get through Monday with your horrible hangover, I’ll tell you everything”

Judging Ryosuke by his looks, appearance, and suspicious behavior was the biggest mistake Yuto had ever made. He should have trusted the way Ryosuke looked at him, the way he responded to his kiss, or the way he smiled after the kiss. He should have been more patient and not jumped into conclusion without any proof. His mistake hurt Ryosuke and himself, but it would not happen again. This attention seeker, way too good at dancing, five years younger guy with weird hobby and sad complicated past… he would not hurt him anymore.




a/n: of course it’s a disaster. Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] alsykt! I'm sorry it's not like the song at all and so so so far from it. I don't know why and how it turned like that of course I know, but I couldn't stop it orz. super sorry!

But honestly, I want to explore the characters more. I kinda dig drag!Yama, thanks to that eye-opening SK episode XD
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